waste | daisypie's Blog

it just seems like such a waste of a life. I want to do something, theres so much in my mind and I just dont let it out, all of my passion for films and art and everything I could be using, my potential.

but I dont, im on benefits, just getting wrecked, being a selfish person and throwing it all away. Ive given up on my only child. I keep missing contact with her. Social services have ripped my whole life away from me. But I know, deep down, I could have done something about it. I just didnt. I dont have the fight in me. I dont have the drive, or determination to do absolutely anything. Its so frustrating its driving me insane.
i need to write, i need people to know my story, i dont want to just live and then pass away nobody knowing who I was or am

its my worst fear, its crippling me, yet i still just dont do anything.
The time is getting closer. Im coming apart, falling and falling, and I know soon i'm going to end up in Roseberry Park. Only im not exaggerating this time. The way I feel, the things i'm doing...i'm heading for a breakdown.
Im such a fucked up, selfish, over-analytical, tortured person. But I know I have potential. I just really, really want it to be my time to shine, to sort everything out. But im just going to continue doing drugs and drinking and partying, to block everything out, to throw absolutely everything away. I feel like Renton in Skagboys, the fact he had so much and he thrown it away to take heroin. Some people just dont have the drive to lead a regular life, to DO something.
Some people just dont have what it takes to function right, and choose to waste it instead.
Its just such a waste.
When will I be ready to shine? Will I ever be?