met someone | daisypie's Blog

ive also met someone. I broke up with Lew, my partner of just over 3 year - a couple month ago. 
So I went out last friday and went to the crown for like one drink, and it was drum and bass and house music, so I ended up dancing for hours, and then ended up back at this house party. I knew no one, but despite that was badgering everyone for free drugs lol. I eventually got the message when people started to refer to me as "this random crazy girl" who wont stop following people, so I ended up perched on the stairs, my head in my hands, sulking.
Thats when I met Adam, who spoke to me for a little bit. He went in the other room and this other guy came to talk to me who was trying to bribe me to hook up and do god knows what in exchange for some md, (which, I obviously declined to..) and I just said to him 
"I want to go home with him."
So he went and told Adam, who was like "okay.."
and we hooked up that night, but afterwards, I knew I was in trouble, because I had a bounce in my step and couldnt remove the previous night's memories from my mind the next day, and I knew what that when I was obsessed with Tom and he had only wanted a one night thing, so I kind of hated myself.
The next day we were talking on facebook, and desperate little me thought - sod it. And asked
"do you want me to come finish the vodka for you?"
expecting rejection. Instead - "if you would be so kind.."
so I went back round, and ive been there the past week pretty much, just hanging out, hungover in bed with him all day. Contact with Thea has been moved back to a contact centre, because I was too busy fucking him to see my daughter at our house. But my heart was turned black. I have been blocking the situation out, letting it go, letting her down. Instead jumping into relationships, desperate to feel wanted, desperate to fill the emptiness.
This guy is nice. I mean really nice, and cute, and funny, and enthusiastic, and very affectionate. He is too good for me. He knows about all of my problems now, I gingerly told him everything, about Thea, about my BPD, everything. And he said
"youre nice, though. Have a fuck load of baggage like, but youre nice."
and that was good enough for me. He sometimes says things which he doesnt mean to be offensive, but he's just so laid back and honest and comfortable in himself that I accept it. It doesnt stop my over-thinking, insecure brain from running in circles, though.
I havent liked anyone this much for a long time. I cant remember if I felt like this for Lew. I think I did, when we were in the honeymoon stage. But not like this. Not like wanting to worship the ground he walks on, do anything and everything to make him love me and care for me, and think im great.
I want people to see us out together, and think we look cute together. I want to show us off, so egotistical.
We talked, when I was drunk, and I basically revealed how much I like him. I feel like its a weakness, now he knows, what if he takes advantage of that?
He is not like that. He is such a lovely person...but because we havent known each other for long, he wants to take it slow and were sort of on a seeing each other level, no real commitment. But I always want more. I just need the hole in my chest filling, fulfillment.
He's the typical student. Smokes weed like cigarettes, likes video games and Dragonball z, I have a thing for nerds and nerdy things. And his room is so messy. But I like that. I like everything about him. He is so comfortable with himself. And i'm not. This is the problem...but opposites are meant to attract...
the other problem is he has many friends, is a popular person. I have never been social, I hate being social, im not good with groups, im self concious and shy.
he is cute though. I think I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with him.

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Posted on 05:36AM on Feb 18th, 2013
I sense potential in this.
Posted on 09:55AM on Feb 25th, 2013
same. Been quite content these past 2 weeks, despite the fact i'm probably actualy losing Thea permanently. I have a shoulder to cry on, at least...although I cant escape my pain forever. The guilt of not doing enough will stay with me the rest of my life.
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